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They reassure us that we're safe from and free of those thoughts and feelings that imperil our sexual desire.
This formula is not obvious because its logic is unconscious.
The second caveat is that understanding sexual behavior is not the same as condoning it.
We can understand someone like Weiner and still condemn his behavior.
A man I treated who was secretly worried about draining or burdening women with his needs fixated on large breasts, experiencing them as a symbolic marker for a woman who has a lot to give and enjoys giving it.
A woman I treated who was attractive and confident in her own right gained a similar reassurance from the height and size of the men to whom she was attracted.
Objectifying themselves and women temporarily solves this problem.
For some, the fact that Anthony Weiner exercised terrible judgment, humiliated himself, and potentially hurt the Democratic Party is all that matters.
Others are more impressed with how his behavior reflects the overarching pathology of the male ego, especially those of politicians and public figures. Some people, however, are genuinely curious about the deeper psychological reasons that a successful man like Weiner who is married to a beautiful dynamo of a woman would risk his career to compulsively engage in the most superficial erotic repartee with women he doesn't know and with whom he would never consider having a real relationship.
Such a person might gravitate toward situations and fantasies in which he or she is an object of desire, on display exciting others.
What could counteract feelings of inferiority or invisibility better than strutting your stuff and arousing others?
One man, a successful attorney, was drawn to younger woman because youth symbolized (to him) an eagerness and lightness of being unblemished by the disappointments and wear and tear of life.