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There's still the matter of erasing "those recordings that play in your head about men and relationships," Palmer said."'Men only want sex, men don't want relationships...' It's about getting past your limiting beliefs." Palmer acknowledges that these beliefs can become as automatic as "blinking," but said it's a matter of first recognizing that those beliefs exist and working through why you feel that way. "Make a plan of where and how you're going to meet the right men and how to get a date," Palmer advised.Instead of focusing on things like appearance, the type of car he drives and "all the adjectives you've had since you were 24," she says, "really [figure] out the feelings you want to feel in a partnership and what that looks like in real life.Women of maturity learn that there are so many different attributes of a man that count so much more." 3. " There's still more "me work" to be done when dating like a grown-up."Men don't want to chase women," Palmer said, laughing. men in their 50s and 60s know what they want, they know how to get it, so they don't go for the hard to get stuff." That doesn't mean you have to take the lead, Palmer said, but it does mean it's ok to show you're interested in the person. "They've been rejected since they were 14 years old at the dance.We think we have to deal with rejection, but they've had it 100 times worse.
"A lot of people who are dating in their 50s probably haven't dated since they were [in their 20s] -- they're paralyzed, they still have the old vision of themselves and the old vision of the boys they were dating," Palmer said.
See how the relationship unfolds and revisit that list often.
But if not, don't be afraid to start all over again.
Compassion is the key to having an enjoyable time when you're dating. "Rendezvous to romance." So you've fallen in love with yourself, created a more realistic and flexible list of the traits you'd like in a partner, broadened your social circle and got the date with a man you're attracted to... "On a first and second date you're not trying to figure out if you're going to marry him," Palmer said with a chuckle. " Fast forward to a future version of yourself who's a few dates in with this new man.
"You want to put your best foot forward [and] you want to show personality." And putting your best foot forward means knowing what "baggage" needs to be checked at the door. You've reached the final step of dating like a grown-up: after all the self-reflection and open conversation "[apply] that to making the decision if they're still a good partner," Palmer said.
For all the positive stories of long lost loves and happily married couples we post on Huff/Post50, we know that many are finding themselves back in the dating game for the first time in years.