Over thirties dating
When it came down to it, was I really going to go over to a 24-year-old bartender's apartment at 10 p.m. No, the days when that would've been appealing — if ever — had long passed.But gradually the average age of my matches crept up, and I soon noticed a very real shift in the ways in which I engaged with people on the app — and that they were responding more sincerely to the message I was sending with my profile.I was in "digital media," I was from Boston, I was relatively new to L.A., I loved tacos and avocados, I had met two internet-famous cats but I liked dogs better.So I was also very conscious of wanting to communicate that I wanted a relationship without explicitly coming out and saying it in the profile, which seemed like a bit much for an opening gambit.But while my profile stayed mostly the same, my experience on Tinder shifted each time I left and got back on, as though the breaks I took were also opportunities for the app itself to catch up with me.Or if they did, they were keeping it a secret, like me.So my boyfriends were guys I met in grad school, or at work, or through friends, or, once, at the optician.
My co-worker Tamerra recently asked me, "Do people think that the app will relieve people of the responsibility of being sincere, projecting themselves honestly, and communicating what they're looking for in a relationship the same way they would IRL?(He fixed my glasses.) It wasn't until the last couple of years, when I was already well into my thirties, that I began to date date, and I quickly learned that the only people who truly like dating — and by dating I mean the numbing dance of texting, and not hearing back, and then finally hearing back, and then making plans, and changing plans, and finally meeting and deciding within 30 seconds that this is not your Person, and then doing it all over again — are generally either sociopaths or masochists.So I do want to be clear that the mostly bad things people say about Tinder were also mostly true (and bad) for me for the year or so that I was on and off it.That's the beauty of Tinder, and the world; there are lots of different kinds of people for everyone.But for me, that became: anyone whose first profile photo was of them holding a beer; anyone whose first profile photo was of them shirtless in an upside-down yoga pose (granted, this might be an L. thing); anyone who seemed deeply unenthusiastic about their career (too old for this); anyone who lived in Orange County (too far and too suburban); anyone who had a picture of themselves proudly holding a large fish they had caught.
First it helped me figure out what I wasn't looking for.